If You Can’t Say Something Nice…
You Lie!
Representative Joe Wilson to President Obama
I have been thinking a lot the past few days about free speech. I have also been reeling from our abuse of it.
In 2007, long before the current controversies over the economy recovery and healthcare reform, a friend of mine, Donna Bowling, co-authored an insightful book called, Reclaiming Civility in the Public Square – 101 Rules that Work. While I have often recommended it to those I know in leadership, I must admit that in the past two weeks I have been tempted to send it out en masse.
The first incident last week that brought the book to mind was the parental outcry over President Obama’s speech to American school children. According to my friends in education and the local superintendent I contacted (to offer an alternative viewpoint), the numerous calls schools received from those wanting to censor the broadcast were angry, accusatory, threatening and sometimes downright abusive. As we know now, the speech was innocuous.
The second example of our waning civility was Representative Joe Wilson’s outburst during President Obama’s speech on healthcare reform to members of Congress. His tone and choice of words were nothing short of a direct insult to the office of the President of the United States. Rep. Wilson’s followup statements haven’t helped much. His actions are evidence of the depth of contempt that exists among Americans for those on the other side of the aisle, in the other political camp, of the other team, with the other company or from the other country.
The most recent troubling events have been the Health Reform Tea Parties that turned into shouting and shoving matches between conservative and progressive protestors. With tempers hot and harsh words flying (along with a few fists), the situation at some events got downright dangerous!
Free speech is such an integral part of our democracy. No one is more grateful than I am for that priviledge, and yet with “free” speech comes a great responsibility. If we want to be a positive force for change, we need to temper our need to speak with our understanding of how to impact others. While fear, anger and disdain are honest emotions, conventional wisdom is that actions based on those feelings are rarely positive in interpersonal relationships! That includes family discussions, corporate leadership, foreign affairs and national governance. Sadly, public protests, FaceBook and letters to editors seem to suggest we have forgotten that lesson. In fact, our country seems to be suffering from a collective disregard for common civility… and even perhaps humanity.
How did we get here? Why has it affected us so deeply? And more importantly, how do we find our way back?
My friend’s book has some suggestions worth noting–ideas that when aligned with my own InSpiritry values are compelling enough for me to share here. I hope they can be the beginning of recommiting ourselves to positive dialogue and constructive problem solving:
- Know Yourself – Consider your own insecurities, self-interests, prejudices, preconceived notions and fears.
- Really Listen – Realize how much everyone, even those with whom we disagree, want and need to be heard.
- Open Your Heart – When we stop caring about other people, we lose our grip on our spirituality and humanity.
- Use Your Mind – Be discerning. Think! In any debate, neither party has a monopoly on wisdom.
- Seek Peace – Be part of the solution. Progress begins one person, one idea and one positive action at a time.
So what about you? Have the recent national political controversies led you to lose your sense of compassion? Have you forgotten the art of listening? Do you need to open your heart and mind before you open your mouth?
Maybe, as we hail our right to free speech, it’s time to remember our mothers’ caution: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!
When We Practice Civility, We Can Be a Blessing!
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September 13th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Well said. I am often surprised to discover my own prejudices revealed when I didn’t know I had any. I sense a greater level of anger in the world around me and I don’t always understand where it is coming from. My Lord died on a cross so we may know His loving grace. I would like to help others turn to Him for that grace in their hearts. I enjoy InSpirity . . . keep up the hard work. Miss You and your positive attitude.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:44 am
This is all about the underlying, hideous factor of the racism that is so deeply ingrained in the American character. The attempt to portray this president (Of all people!) as a socialistic, left wing extremist doesn’t even pass the giggle test for people who have bothered to pay attention to their times and their history. Let’s face it – Franklin D. Roosevelt, he ain’t! They can’t obstruct his agenda with a manufactured scandal regarding his personal life, as they did with Bill Clinton. eleven years ago. Their only hope is for enough of the American people to become really frightened by the Big, Bad Negro Commie. An ironic description when one takes into consideration how boringly moderate Obama really is.
Think about this: In the last presidential campaign only one of the nominees of the two major political parties was born in the United States – Barack Obama – John McCain was born in Panama. Do you find it as revealing as I do that it was the black guy had his citizenship called into question? How much more proof do we need of the overt racism that is inherent in that party – or in our own country for that matter? Honestly, this isn’t rocket science, folks!
But wait! It gets better! Now Glenn Beck is slated to become the Martin Loony King of the Far Right thanks to his stupid “March on Washington” yesterday.
Isn’t life interesting?
http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com
Tom Degan
Goshen, NY
September 13th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
This is a wonderful post. I’ve been hunting for websites and books on civil discourse. I’ll have to look up your friend’s book and maybe share it with as many people as I can. I really want to be able to discuss important issues without offending or being offended because I agree that we can’t hear each other when we’re screaming nasty names. Thank you for this.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Thank you for this. A friend linked me to it after a reading somewhat similiar commentary I posted today on my blog.