What You Know Now
Some time ago I was at a writers’ workshop at the Poetry at Roundtop festival near Austin, Texas. The instructor, Texas Poet Laureate Jack Myers had asked us to bring a photograph of ourselves as a child, and I was intrigued about what we were going to discuss. The photo I chose was one of me at age thirteen standing with my parents near an American flag hung in our yard on the Fourth of July.
As it turned out, the workshop session began with Jack giving us a few moments to study the photos we had brought. He asked us to try to recreate the context of that earlier time and then to answer the question, What did I not know then?
It was a disconcerting question. I had to admit there was a lot about my future I didn’t know as I posed for that picture. I did not yet know:
- that my parents would divorce just a few months later
- that my father would die from cancer just as I started college
- that the war raging in Vietnam and other wars to follow would cause me to question my allegiance to the very flag in the photo
- that the house in an upscale subdivision behind us in the photo would become a symbol for me of segregated neighborhoods in the South
My photo suddenly took on monumental significance. In fact, after I shared my thoughts, I listened as one by one of my workshop companions shared their own remembrances of the rites of passage of adolescence, admitting the heartaches, challenges, and triumphs not yet experienced by the children in the photos. We agreed how vulnerable the child in our photo seemed, and yet how capable we have each proved to be in the face of what life asked of us.
Finally, Jack invited us to write a poem in the form of a letter of counsel to our child-selves, offering the insights of our mid-life wisdom. We were encouraged to be as affirming and objective as possible.
What a revelation! For the next thirty minutes, we bent over our notebooks pouring out the sorrows and desires hidden deep in our hearts as letters to our former selves! I still enjoy reading the poem that resulted.
Though that writing class was years ago, it is an exercise I have repeated several times on my own since then: looking back to a time in my past to write a poem about “what I know now that I didn’t know then.” You can see one of those poems on a previous post, No One Told Us.
Today, I use the idea of looking at old photos in my own workshops, not only as a path to self-discovery, but also as a way to be grateful for the practical wisdom we each own. I find that, in scrambling toward our busy futures, many of us need to be reminded how far we have come and how every day has added to the bounty of our life lessons.
Think about all that you have been through in your life. In fact, you might get out a photo of yourself as a child and consider these questions:
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Who is the child in the photo?
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What did he/she think, feel, believe, fear?
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What personal, family, social and even international events had yet to happen?
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What challenges and triumphs were still ahead?
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Finally, what do you know now that you did not know then?
I’ll bet you will discover that you have had an amazing journey and that you have much to show for it. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have accomplished! And if you find yourself apprehensive about facing the unknown, take heart in knowing that whatever is yet to come, you will come through it stronger and wiser than you were before.
Whatever Your Past, Your Future Can Been a Blessing!
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